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Tuesday, January 31, 2012
When sweet baby K is in need of my attention she makes no mistakes in letting me know. She will try to keep up with me while I clean the house, tugging on my pant legs until I pick her up. Then if she still has not caught me at one hundred and ten percent she will lean forward and look at my face until I make eye contact with her, she will then smile and all is right. It is admittedly hard to be at one hundred and ten percent attention all the time....
Now that I am at home I am still grasping onto the fact that I am ten times busier as a stay at home mom than I ever was while I worked full time. I often envied my friends who were lazily passing the day away at home with their kids....all apologies for never realizing until now that a stay at home mom's work is never done. Relaxing on the couch with Bon Bons while watching Days is a pipe dream. Showering is a luxury and being covered in animal crackers and yogurt is the new fashion trend to hit the home front. I love my life and the blessings that I continue to receive.
I am married to a man who has given me the once in a lifetime opportunity to be home with my baby. To finally after years of daycare having the choice of being here when kids come bounding in the door after school...
Each day begins like the last. Kids out the door. Housework. Errands. After school snack. Dinner. Love....
While at the store yesterday baby K begins to think she no longer wishes to be strapped into the cart. She would like to be held and must have all of my attention immediately. I take her out and push the loaded cart with one hand while she covers my face in wet sloppy kisses. Heartfull moments...
As we approach the checkout line I realize my card is not in its usual back pocket space and I must do a little digging. When Sweet baby K is placed back into that silly old cart she begins to wail. Not even thinking I hand her my car keys...something I have done a million times. Keys that may not be the cleanest but do receive a good hefty alcohol spray regularly. Baby happy I locate my card only to drop it on the ground. As I bend down to retrieve it K begins to scream again and I hear a strange woman soothing her, Prepared to thank the soothing stranger I stand instead to face a accusing glare and I see my keys in her hand?
"How irresponsible are you?" She demands! Before I can answer she continues " Why would you give your poor little baby these dirty keys to play with? That is disgusting not to mention very hazardous!"
By now heads have turned and I feel anger rising in my body like a burning fury! How irresponsible am I? I can handle the rest of her statements it probably isn't the greatest idea, however she is judging my parenting by a seemingly honest act....
I am the irresponsible parent who gave up a good job and promising career to be a mother. I am the irresponsible parent who hands down, ninety nine percent of the time puts the needs of my children before my own. I am the irresponsible parent who has sacrificed. I am the irresponsible parent who falls with the heartache of my children. I am the irresponsible parent who rises with their triumphs. I am the irresponsible parent who works part time even though I don't have to, to keep my family ahead...
So the mommy moment here is not that I had given my eleven month old filthy dirty cars keys. Silly old tired wore out mother! No, it is finding within me the ability to look this woman in the eye even as my fury was mounting, retrieving my keys and having the bravery to reply "You are right! What was I thinking? Thank you so much!" Satisfied she turned heel....
I turned back to baby K who for the first time in twenty minutes seems to be content. My face burning I took a deep breath.
That woman did not know the first thing about me. She did not know who she was scrutinizing...
But I did!
Once in the parking lot I took baby K out of the cart and we stood, just the two of us together cuddling for an eternity....